Life without mom...

She's gone now ... been gone for five months come October 31. No more phone calls or surprise dinners in the icebox. Won't have another knock on the front door on my birthday with a big candle sitting there burning and a birthday box wrapped special for me. Saturday football games are minus the cooking smells and family gossip... She's gone now.

At first you are relieved that she isn't suffering, suffering pain and various indignations 24 hours a day.  Then you feel guilty that you are so relieved you no longer suffer from sleep deprivation yourself  Then the glaring reality sets in for the next year or more. 

The firsts -
First holiday without mom
First family dinner without mom
First birthday without mom
First family reunion without mom
First chic-flick without mom
First time you pick up the phone to call her and remember, she's gone
First time you complete a task that was formally a buddy thing (mine was sewing)
First time your dad cries over dinner
First time you see mail with her name on it

The Now Whats -
Now what do we do with her magazines about architecture
Now what do we do with her painting supplies
Now what do we do with her shoes that were custom made
Now what do we do with her paper weight collection
Now what do we do with the Christmas decorations

The now whats generally come about because they are things that are specific to the person you lost - not things you collect or "do" - but things that made them unique and special to you.

Oh - can't forget the I’m Nots! -
I'm not going to leave my kids with a mess when I'm gone
I'm not going to leave all this stuff here for the kids to sort through
I'm not going to fall apart

News flash - you are probably going to do all the I'm Nots! - because you are so drained you don't have the energy to get organized and there will always be something that must be completed by your spouse or children.  The falling apart?! When you don't expect it! Personally - I didn't really cry about anything after mom died... until I had to put down one of my daughter's cats just last week.  I couldn't stop crying all day - it just took the right trigger for me to let go.  You see, I have this rule that I have to hold it together for other people - and I did - but hey, you do get your day to cry too.  Hopefully, on your terms.

The anger....

You will see it popping its ugly head up in relatives around you (note I deny my personal anger moments) and occasionally you have to speak with stern words to others to put perspective back in place. Relax, this is part of the grieving process - and that process is like a wave hitting the beach... it rolls in then ebbs back out and rolls back in again a little bigger and stronger ... the anger also build like waves and then something pushes them hard enough they break and the sea of life calms again for a time.

If you have lost a loved one, I empathize with you; If you have yet to experience the loss of a close loved one, I rejoice with you.  

Hard Lesson

March 2012, was the beginning of a very hard lesson.  My mother is fighting stage 4 lung cancer and the doctors say it is a matter of months. 

Have I mentioned, this lesson is a hard lesson! 

You always, always know everyone born is going to die one day, but it just isn't something you want to happen.

Here is your lesson...I hope!

If your grandparents, parents or siblings are still alive, spend time with them.  Talk about the family history, what was special about their childhood, what movies they like, or even just sit in the room with them.   This is the harder time in your life, but one of the most rewarding times too. 

Don't be a baby and say "I'm mad at them... they always criticize me... I have a game to go to... they'll be there next weekend" such EXCUSES will come back to simmer during those lovely "pity party" days in the future.  If you are truthful with yourself you are just trying to justify not taking your precious time out of your precious schedule to include someone you should honor.  Yep, there might be times when you don’t ‘love’ your family much, but you are to honor them.

Put on your big girl or boy panties and go see those people that you love, respect, and possibly disappoint you - even if they tell you things like “you must have gained weight since the last time I saw you” (yes, my grandmother said that… a lot - even when I lost weight! haha).  OH, don’t be sad for me, I have precious memories of her too - like teaching all us grandkids (boys too) how to make pies and count back change.  She was a practical woman you see.

My mom, well, she is teaching me how to go out being faithful to God.  She is teaching 2 Bible study classes a week AND teaching a one-on-one class with her cousin while taking pain meds and using oxygen.  Time with those she loves - sharing the one she loves the most.  Mom has it right! 

So this hard lesson is one EACH OF US WILL FACE personally and thru others.  ARE YOU READY?

One last thought - let people know they mean something to you while they are alive, not in a casket.  Send that card or arrangement of flowers while they can understand that they have an impact on another person's life.  It won't hurt you and it will thrill them!

More another day -
Tess

FREE Silhouette Cameo - go register!!!

Thanksgiving week -

We adults frequently complicate simple concepts.  For example; What are you Thankful for?  We analyze and try to determine the politically correct answer, or the answer that gets us the most "good guy" high fives.  Children keep it simple - when asking three kids Sunday what they were thankful for the answers were simple - my family; baseball; that I have a house to live in and am not living on the street.  My heart broke at the last response because that little girl is just 6 1/2 years young and even knows about such a life. 

Take the time this week to maybe not identify everything you are thankful for - but the things you do have... a job, a roof over your head, an invitation to dinner, $1 in your pocket, gas and electric bills, children to help you laugh or play a game with you.

Silouette Cameo give away!

Get over to Tatertots & Jello and sign up to win one of the NEW Silouettes - it is the cameo and has a 12" feed slot!  whoop!

Game day!

Yes, it is once again the weekend and we have games everywhere for every age! 

Living in Oklahoma we have the college games that demand our attention (no pro football here).  OU, OSU, and TU - GO TEAMS!


What excitement around here this week with OU and Texas in battle - anticipation - snide remarks - colors flying - all over kids running up and down a field.

I am writing this and listening to the song "I could Sing of your Love forever" and, well, there is no comparison of celebrating a football game and celebrating God.  Football is a game for a few hours here on earth and God is forever in heaven.  People, I encourage you to get excited about God - then you celebrate forever!

Have a great weekend all!

How embarresed I am!

I should really pay attention to my blog - BIG life lesson - time slips away...one blink and a huge amount is just, well, gone. 


How can we prevent the loss of time?  Simple - Car Pa Diem ~ Seize the day ! My pastor's sermon this coming week is this....
        You have one week to live...what will you do?


I am a cancer survivor and that question has entered my mind several times.  What will I do?  I will take the time to smell the roses ~ twirl in the middle of the yard ~ run in the rain and let my hair go flat ~ have my granddaughter over even when I think I can't possibly handle the stress; One day I will not have stress any longer.

Obviously, I've forgotten how easily you can neglect something that was once important to you ~ something you had great plans for ~ something that was going to be that story line when you left this mortal earthly ball. 

May my intentions be put back in action soon!  Ha Ha - there's a "ready & waiting" failure statement if I ever wrote one.

Do stop and ask yourself - does this really need me to stress out over the situation?  Do I really have to "take care of" that thing? 


Go bake a cookie and then eat it!

Until the next time...